Lost her Marbles

I used to eat lunch with the guys over in CT Scan...they were a funny bunch of dudes with as many interesting stories to tell as I had.

One day, trauma called...they were bringing over a woman who had been hit by a car. I was eating my sandwich when they brought her in. She was fairly mangled from the waist down. The trauma team carefully loaded her onto the CT bed; after which they came into the control booth, closed the door and started laughing.

I couldn't believe it. here's this poor woman fucked up six ways to Sunday, and these assholes are laughing at her.

When I found out why they were laughing, I joined in.

Turns out this woman was walking along the side of a major interstate...just for kicks, I suppose. EMS never found her car. So she's walking along, shoving marbles up her nose.

Yes, I said she was shoving marbles up her nose. Would I lie to you?

So, one of her marbles fell out of her nose and rolled into traffic. She ran after it, and KAPOW...she got nailed by the car...thus, she was brought to us.

We were still chuckling when the scout scan (initial scan used to plot the slices for the CT) came up. Not only was this woman's pelvis all sorts of messed up, but she had a MasterLock in her vagina. Yeah...those things they use on lockers.

Once we got done laughing at that, the docs went out into the CT room and informed the woman that she had a "foriegn object lodged in her vagina (as if she didn't know), and they would remove it before surgery." The gal had enough wits (?) about her to scream, "MOTHERFUCKER, YOU AIN'T TAKIN' MY SHIT!!!"

*insert blank stares here*

So, the docs trudge back to the control panel to deliberate. The woman, although not in her right mind, still had rights. The MasterLock was a metal object, inserted in the vagina of a post-menopausal woman, and wasn't causing any bodily harm. They decided that a three-doctor consent (needed for instances when the patient's will needs to be over-ruled) would never fly....

...so the woman left the hospital many months later...with her newly re-build pelvis and hips...and her MasterLock still in place.

Moral: If it's that important, don't shove it where the sun don't shine.