Little Old Ladies

They are the best...really. I mean no disrespect to the geriatric populous, but these are a little too good to pass up.

1. I have a patient who has come in for a routine chest x-ray. Her paperwork states that she is 80 years old, so I don't bother asking her if she is pregnant. I get ready to start the exam, and the woman just goes berserk on me. She says I "should be ASHAMED" that I hadn't asked if the could be pregnant. Before I get a chance to explain that we don't ask for anyone over 60, she decides I really need to know EVERY aspect of her sex life and how hot it is. Dear God....the pain.

2. We had another lady who had taken a nasty fall (this happens a lot). She came to our department wearing only her panties and a hospital gown for a hip and pelvis x-ray.

Now, as you all know, anything metallic WILL SHOW UP on x-ray. I figured there was no need asking since...well, she was in her skivvies. How wrong I was. When the initial pelvic film dropped into the processor, we found that Granny had on a pair of Victoria's Secret panties that had the word "SEXY" spelled out on the butt in rhinestones. Once we got done laughing our asses off, we asked the woman to please lower her drawers so we could continue the exam.

3. Another patient came in by ambulance from the local nursing home...also after a fall. A pelvis x-ray showed that this poor woman had decided it necessary to TRULY safeguard her dentures. She had shoved them into her vagina and them safety-pinned her labia together. I can't make this stuff up, folks.

Moral: Age does not dictate behavior.