Kinky...

So, some of us are just a little more freaky than others. Here are three cases in point:

1. While working in the O.R., I was called into another room by a scrub tech to "come see this." Upon entering the room, I saw a male under anesthesia with his legs up in the air and a crowd of gawkers looking under the drape between his legs. Turns out that he and his mistress (who was a dominatrix) got a little too far-gone during one of their sexcapades, and the woman had literally peeled the man's testicles. No lie. I wonder if he got his money back after that little mishap.

2. I was walking down the hall one day in trauma, and saw a naked man with a naked woman straddling him with her legs wrapped around his waist. It was the weekend in the E.R., and as amusing as this sight was, it wasn't too far out of the ordinary. So I went on my way. Come to find out later, the man had a Prince Albert, and his girlfriend had just gotten an IUD. Put the two together, and they get tangled. Yes folks, it does happen. It just took a lot of lube and many giggles to free the pair.

3. I'd been called to Ultrasound to assist a tech friend of mine do a gynecological exam. Since the tech was a male, a female had to be present to make sure things didn't get out of hand (yes, I'm female). I walk in the room to the most putrid odor imaginable, and an EASILY 400-pound woman laying on the exam table. The tech looked at me pleadingly and asked me to "hold her folds" so that he could access her...um..."area." I obliged...and the more I opened, the worse it smelled. The woman had come in complaining of pelvic pain, and as my tech friend inserted his ultrasound probe, he got the surprise of his life:

"Ma'am...what is in your vagina?"

*pause*

"Uhhh...it's a Summer Sausage, sir."

We later came to find out that "Junior," her boyfriend, was unable to please her because of her weight (imagine that). So, he decided to be creative and use a large stick of meat to do the job for him. Well, a large piece of it broke off, and Tiny decided it was a good idea to just leave it up in there. Wow.

Moral: Don't assume what goes on in the bedroom will stay in the bedroom.